I, personally only recently discovered that my end-of-year pattern of reoccurring sadness is actually hidden grief. But not the traditional sense of grief when you lose someone you love due to a death but more-so, the loss of what you hoped for not coming to pass, the loss of friendships, the loss of what once was or, a wish that things could look differently.
Being able to redefine what I thought was a lingering sadness or dark cloud over me now gives me the opportunity to manage those feelings differently:
1. I’m not confused anymore. Instead of worrying about why I feel down (i.e, “Is this postpartum? Is this pre-menopause? Am I low on vitamins or minerals? And, all the other mental checklists we go through) I can allow myself to just GRIEVE.
2. I create space to grieve. Instead of distracting myself when the sadness presents itself, I ask myself what is it you are grieving? Similar to David asking himself, “Why are you downcast, Oh my soul.”
3. Every time the sadness emerges, I take note, listen and allow myself to feel the grief. You might find that you cry at this step, let it happen. Stifling your grief is only compounding the sadness. And friend, it will reemerge.
Allowing yourself the space to grieve is essential to processing, not just cognitively but also emotionally. Grief is such a roller coaster and you won’t hear this often but it’s more present in your life than you think. We have to LEARN how to grieve well, otherwise it comes with its own host of problems.
Here’s to the New Year and a life well lived!
-
Find a moment to journal. Feelings have a way of flowing better through writing or typing.
-
Read C.S. Lewis’s A Grief Observed
-
Listen to the CAIN Band’s song called, Wonderful this Holiday Season
If you need a mental health professional to help you better understand your grief, you can book a free 20-minute consultation with one of our Grief Specialists. We provide online therapy and have therapists who are trained in treating grief and traumatic grief. All of our therapists specialize in trauma-informed care.
Why Does Grief Come in Waves?
Grief can happen anywhere, anytime. You may be folding laundry or standing in line at the grocery store checkout when a smell, a song, someone’s voice, or a passing comment pulls you right back into the height of your loss. One moment you’re feeling fine, then all of...
What Is Anticipatory Grief?
Most people expect grief to occur after receiving a terminal diagnosis or attending the funeral of a loved one. For many people, however, grief arrives long before any loss has happened. Negative emotions don’t always arrive when you expect them. Anticipatory grief...
What Is Complicated Grief?
Grief is a natural response to loss, but it rarely follows an expected path. When your mourning becomes overwhelming and persistent, interfering with your ability to function months or even years after a loss, you may be experiencing complicated grief. This type of...
